Who Designed This Dungeon?

9th March 2017

After a brief battle in the kitchens of the underground dwarf city, defeating a goblin Steven Segal in the process, our accompanying scout explains what's around us and where to go.

'Over there is the cold store. Ahead of you is the general store. And that is...'

'The warm store.'

'No, the well room.'

'That makes no sense!'

It All Seems a Bit Unfair

9th March 2017

We need to sneak our way through the underground city, rather than face countless guards and bring down the wrath of an army on us. Sounds reasonable. As we hear a patrol ahead of us in a corridor, we duck behind the nearest door, hoping that the room beyond will be less dangerous.

We find ourselves in a small anteroom before what looks to be another corridor. With there being five of us and only four squares available, one of us would have to stand in the corridor, which seems like the sort of thing that would get a person seen when we're trying not to be.

Luckily, we're not in combat, which means our movement isn't restricted, and Nerrick's being a halfling lets him move freely between the legs of creatures bigger than him, which is the rest of us. So the four of us stand in the four squares, and Nerrick constantly jigs around, avoiding the need to enter the corridor and become vulnerable to whatever threat obviously lurks at the other end.

For some reason, though, the GM simply won't accept this use of a character trait clearly described in the rules, and callously shoves Nerrick in to the corridor, where, apparently, 'there are three guards testing a magical repeating crossbow, which is pointing at the archery target next to you', (he has a name, and Pasha is a valid member of our party, so that's a little rude, to be honest), 'and as you step out you hear it fire two crossbow bolts. Initiatives, please'.

Right Through You

16th February 2017

After a bit of a spat outside the entrance to the underground dwarven city, the inside seems a bit quiet. Eerily quiet, given that one particularly cowardly fellow decided he'd rather head inside than fight us. Maybe he's just cowering in a corner somewhere, unwilling to make a sound. It seems unlikely that he'd rustle up any kind of party to await our arrival. 'Unless it's a surprise party, with cake and jelly.'

'That would be explain why it's so quiet in there. Maybe they've cut up the gelatinous cube and put it in to small bowls with ice cream for us.'

'What happens, though, when you eat a gelatinous cube?'

'I imagine it goes right through you.'

We'll Definitely Take That in to Consideration

16th February 2017

'Don't kill the NPC monk! He's integral to this part of the campaign.'

Have We Met Before? Your Name Sounds Familiar

9th February 2017

After a hard day's fighting, we look for somewhere to rest for the night so we can recover and tend to our wounds. A cave presents itself nearby, which would provide some shelter, but is it safe?

We move up to the cave and enter, and are greeted by a white wolf. Actually greeted by it, mind you, as it speaks, welcoming us in to the cave and inviting us for dinner. 'Hello', says Nerrick cheerfully, 'I'm Nerrick. What's your name?'

'Hello, Nerrick. I'm... uh... Wolf #1.'

As this is clearly an innocent encounter with an intelligent wolf, and certainly not a prelude to combat, we gladly follow Wolf #1 deeper in to the cave.

If Only Wizards Were Proficient in Wisdom Saving Throws

2nd February 2017

In our first encounter against this cleric, she cast Hold Person against Pasha. Pasha then failed his saving throw every round until we were forced, from being unconscious and bleeding quite heavily, to surrender.

We encounter the cleric again, and again she casts Hold Person on Pasha. Pasha fails his saving throw again, and again, and again. Even when he uses his Lucky ability to reroll, he fails again. And even when some Inspiration comes from another member of the party, granting him advantage on the roll, Pasha fails again.

But, finally, the Hold Person is gone! Pasha is in control of his body once more! Did Pasha finally show the will to shrug off the thrall of the cleric? Nope, he used the Call of Cthulhu method of picking locks, and simply waited long enough. The rest of us finally slay the cleric, just before we all die from the massive lack of magical support, destroying the spells effects.

The Colouring Book of War

26th January 2017

With some careful manoeuvring, and more than a little luck, we destroy most of a caravan with an uncontrolled avalance, and get in to a position where a magic fog cloud prevents the enemy from immediately overwhelming us.

Of course, this relatively comfortable situation cannot last. Fed up with us defeating her minions as they are sent to us one-by-one, kung-fu style, a spell is wasted to remove the fog cloud. As the last wisps of ethereal water vapour fade away, a cry can be heard from behind the caravan. 'Attack! Everyone attack!'

'Careful lads, we may be dealing with a master tactician.'

They're More Resilient Than I Thought

10th January 2017

Our third expedition in to the encampment goes better than planned. We had hoped to charge in, find Pasha and Nerrick's gear, and rush out again, as unharmed as possible. Naturally, we end up fighting the whole camp, but, thanks to some good coordination, we are victorious. We even find most of our gear.

We don't find everything we were carrying, though. Missing are some of the magic items and, somewhat importantly, the artefact that we had recovered from the wraith, the one that could be vital in preventing an ancient god from being summoned. We should probably get that back.

'Before you head off', says Florian, 'destroy the furnaces here.' Ah yes, the original reason why we came here.

'Okay. Let's set fire to them and be on our way.'

The Benefits of a Classical Education

10th January 2017

'My spell is still in effect. I'm inethereal.'

'...corporeal?'

'I prefer 'inethereal'.'

Well, I Have Nothing to Say

5th January 2017

Rescuing Nerrick and Pasha mostly worked, but they were inconveniently stripped off all their stuff whilst captured. The fiends! Gone are Nerrick's armour and magic weapons, gone is Pasha's spellbook. Do we need them? Well, maybe. We formulate a plan to go back and get them.

The plan is to run in to the encampment, find our stuff, grab it, and run out again. Hopefully they won't expect us to come back a third time. Naturally, they kinda are more prepared now for a night-time skirmish than before. Weird that.

A bit of fog on a snowy night gives us some decent cover to get close, which lets Pasha consider his utility spells. 'I was just thinking, if I deafen these two guards, they won't be able to raise the alarm.'

And so we came to fight the whole encampment.