Face-to-six Faces With a Gelatinous Cube

6th October 2015

Getting in to the orc fortress in the canyon, thanks to finding a hidden lever that opens a door in the rock face, only leads to more problems. To get to the door we had to pass arrow slits where orcs waited to fire opportunistically at us. Even orcs aren't so stupid for us to be out-of-sight, out-of-mind, and we have to accept that they not only know that we're inside, but also just inside their entrance.

Sure enough, right around the corner from the entrance is a small barricade, with a couple of orcs behind it with bows. Rather than exchange shots with opponents who are behind cover, we decide that closing the distance as quickly as possible is the best idea. That is until, a few steps in, Nerrick falls down a covered pit, and comes face-to-six faces with a gelatinous cube.

As we weather arrows from the laughing orcs, we try to help Nerrick escape the clutches of the gelatinous cube before it engulfs him. I lower down a rope to help Nerrick climb back up, but the cube tries to swallow him and Nerrick has to dodge deeper in to the oubliette.

Despite our best efforts, with Nerrick stabbing the cube and Pasha's flaming sphere burning in to its top, the gelatinous cube swallows Nerrick. We have to get him out of there! 'I'm going down in to the pit.'

'Are you going down on the rope?'

'The one I'm holding? No, that doesn't sound right.' Instead, I jump down, pull out my weapon, and, with Pasha's assistance from the outside and Nerrick's from the inside, we all deal enough final damage to the cube for it to dissolve and free our colleague. Now we just need to get out of the pit and deal with the orcs. If only we had a positive strength modifier between us to help climb that rope.

The Better the Illusion, the Harder it Hurts

6th October 2015

At the end of the canyon is the orcs' fortress, seemingly built in to the walls of the canyon itself. We spot some tracks that the orcs have left, but they seem to lead directly in to a stone wall.

Getting closer to the wall where the tracks disappear doesn't offer any clues as to possible openings, and, given that there are two illusionists in the party, we naturally assume that magic must be shielding the entrance.

'I'll throw a pebble at the rock face.' It bounces off the rock face, much like a pebble would normally bounce off a rock face. 'That's a pretty good illusion. Pasha, run in to the rock face where the tracks lead, and really believe in yourself!'

'Roger that. I cast Haste!'

I'm Not Following

6th October 2015

'Lord help you if you ever come across a smart enemy.'

'Well, you play all the NPCs, so we're probably okay.'

And Who Were His Parents?

29th September 2015

'Where did the orc come from?'

'What? I don't know. It's just an orc. There's no detail about where he's from, or anything like that in the adventure!'

'No, I just meant where up here, in this crag. He seemed to appear from nowhere.'

They're Squeezing?

24th September 2015

Defeating the guards leaves us looting the battlefield. 'Is there any loot?'

'Chain shirts, spears, a heavy crossbow. And their 15 horses, of course.'

'I'll put them in my backpack.'

'...what are you putting in your backpack?'

'The horses.'

'I'm not going to allow that, because, first, you're not very strong, and second, you would need to compress 15 horses in to a small backpack.'

'I'm surprised that second point had to be relegated to be the second point on a list to disallow the carrying of 15 horses in a backpack.'

The Gods are Looking Down on You, and Scowling

24th September 2015

Some guards are left behind with the horses about half-way along a canyon, and our attempt to convince them we are on their side fail. Weapons are drawn.

One of the guards throws a spear towards Pasha, our wizard. 'Or his owl familiar.'

'Okay, on a 20 he hits the owl.'

The D20 rolls a 7, a miss. 'If everyone could refrain from sighing, that would be great', says Pasha. Another spear flies in, this one more accurate. Much more accurate. To rather inappropriate cheers, a critical hit of 20 is scored.

Not wanting to find out if the GM is serious about the hit roll of 20 meaning his owl familiar dies, or indeed how much damage he will take himself to critical damage, Pasha uses his Lucky ability to dodge the hit. But it is only in the following round that a second critical hit looks to land on our wizard. 'I'm lucky! I'm still lucky!', he says, as he relies on another use of the same ability.

'Yeah, two critical hits in consecutive rounds. You certainly seem lucky.'

As Cool as a Penguin

17th September 2015

'Climbing up on to the guard wall, you've been spotted by guards, but they're about 60 feet away. Are you going to climb down the other side, or jump?'

'How far down is it?'

'About 15 feet.'


'Okay. Everyone give me either an Athletics/Strength check, or Acrobatics/Dexterity check.'





'Blimey. Okay, you may be lacking strength, but you have the agility of ninjas as you deftly jump off the wall, landing with sublime grace.'

'How long do we have to stand here like this?'

'Until we reach maximum coolness. ... There it is. Let's go!'

I Meant Feather-duster

17th September 2015

Winning the initiative against the barbarian gives us an advantage. Who'd've thought? A quick charm spell, aided by a forced failed saving throw, makes him think I'm his buddy, and we convince him to withdraw to another room, isolating us from his two-headed hound.

Another spell, this time a suggestion from Pasha, gets the barbarian's sword from him. Unarmoured, unarmed, and without his pet, it actually looks like we've managed to enact another decent plan, as we ambush the barbarian on our own terms.

The barbarian isn't quite down, though. He shoves his way past me in to another room, where he is able to find something as an improvised weapon.

'...like a statue?'

'Right, a bust, or something similarly hefty.'

'What did I just do? Why couldn't I have tried to think of something that could never possibly destroy us, like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man? Me and my big mouth!'

Don't Give Them Names

17th September 2015

Entering a room where a barbarian awaits us, donning his armour near a two-handed longsword, with a two-headed dog on the other side of the room, fills us with some level of pessimistic dread. Enough dread that the topic of new characters arises.

'The problem with needing new characters will be how to introduce them in to the adventure.'

'Oh, it won't be so hard', says the GM. 'You just turn up at Perrett's Fort and drop in.'

'Yeah, we're a band of renegades who...'

'Hey, don't give new characters a backstory. We're not dead yet!'

Neither Do We

10th September 2015

Making our way along the snowy mountain pass isn't a simple matter. The footing for our horses is treacherous in places, requiring us to look out for hazards and guide the horses around them regularly.

'Salvador, as you've just arrived to the session, you can make the next survival check.'

'...can I take 10?'

'Yes. What does that give you?'


'Great, the first bad decision of the day.' And the result goes as you'd expect, for a 7th-level party getting a 10 on a skill roll. A patch of snow is thinner than it looks, with sheet ice underneath. We have to react as our horses skid and slide.

Salvador fails his reflex save, but tries to recover. 'I'll use my 1/day Blessing of the Gods to reroll my reflex saving throw of 10 to get... 7. Dammit!'

'The gods really don't like you, Sal.'