As Cool as a Penguin

17th September 2015

'Climbing up on to the guard wall, you've been spotted by guards, but they're about 60 feet away. Are you going to climb down the other side, or jump?'

'How far down is it?'

'About 15 feet.'


'Okay. Everyone give me either an Athletics/Strength check, or Acrobatics/Dexterity check.'





'Blimey. Okay, you may be lacking strength, but you have the agility of ninjas as you deftly jump off the wall, landing with sublime grace.'

'How long do we have to stand here like this?'

'Until we reach maximum coolness. ... There it is. Let's go!'

I Meant Feather-duster

17th September 2015

Winning the initiative against the barbarian gives us an advantage. Who'd've thought? A quick charm spell, aided by a forced failed saving throw, makes him think I'm his buddy, and we convince him to withdraw to another room, isolating us from his two-headed hound.

Another spell, this time a suggestion from Pasha, gets the barbarian's sword from him. Unarmoured, unarmed, and without his pet, it actually looks like we've managed to enact another decent plan, as we ambush the barbarian on our own terms.

The barbarian isn't quite down, though. He shoves his way past me in to another room, where he is able to find something as an improvised weapon.

' a statue?'

'Right, a bust, or something similarly hefty.'

'What did I just do? Why couldn't I have tried to think of something that could never possibly destroy us, like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man? Me and my big mouth!'

Don't Give Them Names

17th September 2015

Entering a room where a barbarian awaits us, donning his armour near a two-handed longsword, with a two-headed dog on the other side of the room, fills us with some level of pessimistic dread. Enough dread that the topic of new characters arises.

'The problem with needing new characters will be how to introduce them in to the adventure.'

'Oh, it won't be so hard', says the GM. 'You just turn up at Perrett's Fort and drop in.'

'Yeah, we're a band of renegades who...'

'Hey, don't give new characters a backstory. We're not dead yet!'

Neither Do We

10th September 2015

Making our way along the snowy mountain pass isn't a simple matter. The footing for our horses is treacherous in places, requiring us to look out for hazards and guide the horses around them regularly.

'Salvador, as you've just arrived to the session, you can make the next survival check.'

'...can I take 10?'

'Yes. What does that give you?'


'Great, the first bad decision of the day.' And the result goes as you'd expect, for a 7th-level party getting a 10 on a skill roll. A patch of snow is thinner than it looks, with sheet ice underneath. We have to react as our horses skid and slide.

Salvador fails his reflex save, but tries to recover. 'I'll use my 1/day Blessing of the Gods to reroll my reflex saving throw of 10 to get... 7. Dammit!'

'The gods really don't like you, Sal.'

Thanks, I Think

10th September 2015

Our ride up to and along the mountain pass will need to be swift. We are given light warhorses, along with wands of healing. 'Use these on the horses when needed. If you push them too hard, they will just collapse.'

'Then let's stick to riding them. Plus, if we push them, we risk losing an arm.'

'Ha, that was quite funny for you.'


'In fact, that was very funny for you!'

'Huh. That went from being a compliment to insult pretty quickly.'

It's Got a Vorpal Blade

25th August 2015

Evading capture by the paranoid king's guards, we are accompanied north to a friendly lord's lands. After welcoming us, the lord makes a request of us in these unsettled times.

'I need some adventurers to ride hard and fast in to the mountains and along the pass, calling on each guard post to check for signs of possible Ragesian incursion. Can I count on you?'

'You have my axe!'

'Brewswain, you don't have an axe.'

'I know. He has it. I'm asking for it back.'

Are We What?

25th August 2015

'Are we initiativing?'

Mission: Quite Easy

20th August 2015

We need to sneak in to a guarded house in the middle of town. It makes sense to wait until night to do so, which means we have to be quiet. We sneak closer to the house, but how do we avoid the guards? Which way are we approaching from? 'Do you want to put yourselves on the map?' says the GM.

Yes, yes we do. We place our miniatures on the map, inside the house. 'Well, that was easy.'

Can I Roll For That Too?

20th August 2015

'Can I gather some information with an investigation check?'


'Right. What do I want to find out?'

6th Edition Concept

20th August 2015

As often happens when an encounter is imminent, a map is drawn on our battlemat. As often happens when a map is drawn on our battlemat, the drawing skills of the GM are criticised. 'Why isn't the path straight?'

'Artistic licence.'

'Maybe we should adapt our plan. We could go up and say that we could design and build a better path for them.'

'I dunno, I quite like that it's not straight. I'd probably suggest more of a zig-zag, with levels and a water feature.'

'That sounds okay, though. There could be a nice fountain in the middle.'

'Actually, yeah, now you mention it. I can picture that.'

'This is sounding good. We could resign from adventuring and become landscape gardeners.'

'Landscapes & Gardens, coming next year from Wizards of the Coast.'