An Erinyes Devil for Every Adventure

23rd July 2015

We break Cal out of gaol, the commander convinced that we are transferring the prisoner, and head towards the swamp. It is indeed a dangerous area, and we'd surely be sucked in to quicksands if we didn't have a guide.

By following Cal's path, we manage to make it to a clearing with an ancient tree. As we gaze upon at the willow tree, a female figure appears.

'She's a dryad', says Nerrick, 'we should kill her, they're dangerous.'

'Nope, it's clearly an Erinyes devil', says Chi Ling, given the overly familiar miniature that's being used.

'No it's not, it's just that I had the miniature close to hand', says the GM, trying to reassure us.

'Of course you did. I bet you thought 'I'll need that later'.'

Forging Ahead

16th July 2015

It seems we could make use of Mad Cal, imprisoned back at the base camp, after all. New companions want to head in to a swamp, and Cal is the only man known to have made it both in and out of there alive.

Either we can convince the commander to let him come with us, a plan which is unlikely to succeed, or break him out, which is kind of illegal. We naturally lean towards the illegal option.

Nerrick wonders about the powers of our druid. 'Earnest, why don't you turn in to a mouse, go through the bars, turn Cal in to a mouse, and both come out?'

'There are a few things wrong with that plan, Nerrick.'

'Name one.'

'I can't turn someone else in to a mouse.'

'Name a second.'

'I can't turn in to something as small as a mouse anyway.'

'...a third?'

'I can't turn someone else in to a mouse. Now I know that's technically the first again, but I thought it was important enough to mention twice.'

We stick with the illegal option, though. The agreed plan is for me to create a forged document requesting a prisoner transfer from cell block 1138, and having other members of the party standing handily nearby when the commander needs to find some rubes to make the transfer.

I make the forgery, and outside of the fort disguise myself as a courier. I bring the forged letter to the gates of the fort and convince the guard to take it to the commander. The commander reads the letter and comes out of his office, beckoning Chi Ling and Nerrick over, who just happen to be nearby.

'Are you feigning surprise? It's very convincing.'

'No, this is genuine surprise that our forgery fooled him and the plan is working.'

Karma's a Bitch

9th July 2015

Tracing the bandits who attacked the fort finds their camp, and in their camp are the few bandits who retreated from their failed assault. Not for much longer.

Chi Ling goes hand-to-axe with Lord Humungous, the bandit boss, as Pasha assists by putting a few of the supporting bandits in to a magical sleep. This gets Lord Humungous's attention, and gets even more of his attention when he sees our wizard.

'I remember you!' Indeed he does. As we forced the bandits in to retreat back at the fort, Pasha took a moment to flip Lord Humungous off with a giant Mage Hand spell. Thinking he won't step away from fighting our monk, he does it a second time. Think again, Pasha.

Lord Humungous strides away from Chi Ling, bitch-slaps Pasha in to unconsciousness, and strides back to continue fighting the monk. Maybe goading a fighter is not the best use of a wizard and his spells after all.

Healing Potion Deposit

9th July 2015

'You can buy supplies from the outpost at 25% above normal market cost.'

'Neat. I'll buy some studded leather armour with my new-found wealth. Can I sell them my old armour?'

'Yep, at 50% below market values.'

'Right-o. Hmm, can I sell them my old potions of healing?'

'I suppose so, but it doesn't sound like good financial sense.'

'I don't think you're getting my meaning.'

'Oh, you mean a used potion.'

'Now you're getting it.'

'Like the empty bottle.'

'Yep, like a deposit on a bottle of pop.'

'Okay, sure, they'll give you a copper piece for each returned bottle. It won't add up to much.'

'Au contraire, judging by our adventures so far, we'll soon be rich!'

High Intelligence, Low Wisdom

23rd June 2015

We're managing to repel the bandits attacking the fort so far, preventing a breach from those trying to climb over the walls. As any bandits climbing their ladders are struck down, their ladders are pushed back off the wall to inconvenience them.

Everyone gets stuck in, including our wizard. Pasha sees a ladder against the fort. 'Is this guy holding the ladder?'

'Yep.'

'Okay. Hmm.' There is a long pause as our wizard considers the situation. 'I'm wondering if I can use my Mage Hand spell to push the ladder away from the wall.'

'You're standing right next to it. You could use your actual hand.'

'Oh yeah. I'll do that.' Maybe he can say some fancy words as he pushes, to make it seem more magical.

Charm GM

23rd June 2015

We turn up at a newly erected outpost in time to help defend it from frontier bandits. Oh joy. We fortify a few places and get armed and armoured for the assault, as we see forty or so bandits approach from the east.

The bandits' front line rushes towards us as we exchange volleys of arrows with them and their rear line of archers. We can't stop them all in time. The bandits reach the fort, slamming their ladders against the walls, readying to climb.

'Hey, that's not fair', says Pasha, 'having a ladder right in front of me'. Our wizard is feeling a bit squishy.

'Yeah, it probably is a bit unfair. Move it to be right in the middle of you lot.' And he does move it to be right in the middle of us. Right in front of me, in fact. Damn that wizard and his charm spells.

Let Them Eat Wolves

23rd June 2015

'When do you want cake?'

'Cake?! We shall feast on the bodies of our enemies!'

'We did that last week. We've got cake this week.'

'We did? We ate the bandits?'

'The wolves. But good job flipping from barbaric to squeamish within seconds.'

Dropping Like Flies

9th June 2015

We are ambushed on our way out of the underground dungeon by the druid we suspected to find inside the dungeon. Damn him and his alarms that we tripped. Amidst the storms, whilst we try to swim in the shallow sea, the druid attacks, calling to his aid a pair of gargoyles and a squid. No releasing the kraken, though.

Thrak acts, and wants to know if one target is better than the others for his traits and skills. 'Has this gargoyle damaged anyone yet?'

'Yes.'

'Who?'

'You. In the previous round. Which was, in fact, the first round of combat.' I think we're all going to die. And battling creatures that can swim and move freely in stormy waters, whilst we struggle to doggy paddle to stay afloat, doesn't work too well for us.

Despite our best efforts, including a masterful illusion that brings the druid from his perch down in to the melee with us—who was to know he had a level of monk too?—Thrak gets knocked unconscious, as does Salvador soon afterwards.

We're not all down. And Salvador's best weapons are still with us. His huge summoned centipede bites in to the druidic monk, hitting for maximum damage! 'Are you sure that's the maximum damage?' he's asked. Salvador is sure, which is a shame, because that apparently leaves the druid on 1 hit point.

'Suicide your dog on him!'

'I'm going to.'

'Oh right. Look who I'm talking to.' Whether that was the plan all along, or only became the plan considering the circumstances, Salvador's blink dog charges from the dry perch, jumps down on to the druid, and gets a decent hit. The druid drops! Good doggy. Now let's get your minion back on his feet.

Tomb Raider

4th June 2015

More by luck than judgment, we find the tomb of an almost-legendary pyromancer, thought to have been buried under the city but whose location has been long forgotten. Quite how we found it is more the mystery now.

The entrance to the tomb has runes marked on the wall, a warning of what will befall those who disturb the tomb. Thrak even somehow manages to find a magical trap on the door to the tomb. By searching for it, that is, not setting it off.

'Do we open the tomb? How do we open it?'

'Let's just open it, so that we can give the remains a decent burial', says Salvador.

'So we're breaking in to a tomb to give someone a burial. I suppose a tomb is a good place to do that', says Aggar, not having to strain too hard to uncover perhaps the flimsiest excuse for grave-robbing in history.

Give me a Couple of Minutes

4th June 2015

We've fought our way in to an underground bunker, and fought our way deeper in to the underground bunker. We are now bickering about whether or not we should venture through the curtain of magical darkness in the mouth of a dragon carved in to the stone wall, and, if we do, who goes first.

Balls to it. I open the door to our left instead. It's probably a toilet, and I need to go.

'Brewswain, that's not a toilet.'

'It soon will be.'