Assessing the Enemy

24th March 2016

In the ongoing protection of a village against a fair-sized orc force, Thrak smacks down one elite orc soldier but remains almost surrounded. He ponders his next target of attack.

'Which of the orcs are wounded?'

'That one has been wounded.'


'Yeah, I'm not kidding.'

Who Says We Don't Roleplay?

17th March 2016

The second wave of orcs takes the form of wyvern riders. On wyverns! Their swooping and fly-by attacks will no doubt cause us problems, so I do something to try to make us less of a target. I cast a spell, and a dome of ice protects us, with an opening at ground level to keep us aware of the rest of the orcs.

'Don't worry lads', I say, with a wink of my eye, 'I've got this.' But the wyvern riders are somewhat prepared. Rather than having to land, they fly over the ice dome and drop firebombs on it to melt the ice. But, of course, it isn't ice, it's just an illusion, me being an illusionist, and making an obvious wink when I said it would protect us.

The firebomb drops through the illusory ice dome, surprising the GM as much as it does Thrak. Maybe taking the two feats Spell Focus (Illusion) and Greater Spell Focus (Illusion) weren't a waste after all.

Instead of melting the ice, the firebomb explodes a few feet from most of the party, deafening Salvador and Thrak. Aggar's curious about how it will effect Salvador's Duskblade spellcasting 'Does being deafened impose a spell-failure chance?'

'I think so. The status effect is detailed in the PHB.'

Thrak is curious about something too. 'What does deafen do to us?'

'...not hear the question I just answered?'

Someone Find Them a Celestial Porpoise, Quickly!

17th March 2016

Busy defending the village against the advancing orcs, we don't notice two skirmishers sneaking their way over the fence to flank us until it's a little late to stop them. 'Where are the villagers with pitchforks?' says Thrak.

Salvador is curious about that too. 'I thought we'd coordinated the ones willing to fight so that they'd repel any wall climbers.'

'Yeah, they were going to act as our alarm, their dying screams alerting us to threats.'

It may be well established that certain personality types move from killing their own pets and companions to humans, but that doesn't make it less disturbing when it happens.

We'd Best Wait Until it Attacks

10th March 2016

Orc reinforcements are arriving. Oh good, just in time. The orcs' general, a human, returns with the reinforcements and he is seen riding a bipedal, eyeless reptile.

'Do we know what that is?'

'Make a Dungeoneering Knowledge roll.'


'You know it's a Destrachan.'

'And what do I know about Destrachan?'

'That it's a bipedal, eyeless reptile.'

'I obviously have a keen memory for details.'

I Can't Charge, I've Got a Dodgy Knee

10th March 2016

To try to persuade the orcs to leave of their own accord, whilst still partly under an effect that makes them open to suggestion, I cast Seeming on us to make us appear as part of the orc army. Needless to say, it didn't work as planned, but at least we weren't attacked.

The Seeming is still in effect as we try to work out a more effective way to deal with the orc army. It is suggested that we may not even need the illusion any more.

'But it may help to look like them when we slaughter the orcs.'

'Where's the fun in just walking up to the orcs and slaughtering them?'

'... exactly that?'

Your Final Conscious Memory is it Reaching Out to Touch You

10th March 2016

Having accidentally caused the demise of another extra-planar being that we probably shouldn't have, we now may need to face a small orc army. Having focussed our attentions on the air elementals, and not having rested since then, our resources are somewhat limited.

Well, maybe not all of our resources, but certainly my list of prepared spells. Luckily, I didn't need to use all of my powerful spells against the elementals. 'I still have a Phantasmal Killer.'

'And you're not afraid to use it. Is that a Phantasmal Killer in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?'

'Huh. Is that your greatest fear, then?'

We Keep Him For His Tactical Mind

18th February 2016

On our way up a mountainous path to a monastery, we encounter some huge air elementals. We are not prepared for this, a single fly-by attack by one of the elementals, knocking Salvador down to half his hit points convincing us of this. We retreat back down the mountain.

We spend a night preparing tactics and spells to get past these elementals. Buff spells are learnt, utility spells are learnt, and when to use them and how is discussed. The next day we go back. The air elementals attack us again, and this time we are prepared.

Salvador is enlarged and flying, and can engage the elementals without penalty. He casts a swift True Strike on his weapon, followed by Vampiric Touch, smacking one of the elementals with a power attack that hits for plenty of damage, and draining it to gain himself some temporary hit points.

Thrak is enlarged and flying too. He engages the other air elemental and misses wildly. At least he intercedes the elemental likely to be attacking little gnomish me.

I cast Baleful Polymorph. One of the air elementals turns in to a bat. The now-bat doesn't fail its second saving throw against the polymorph spell, letting the creature keep its supernatural and spell-like abilities, as well as its intelligence and wisdom, but the now-bat doesn't see itself being a match for us any more. The bat, perhaps the toughest bat in the world, flies away from the battle.

Salvador strikes the first air elemental, dealing another massive hit and regaining more temporary hit points.

Thrak attempts to join in, but misses horribly again.

As much as I would like to see Salvador slay the air elemental, I have more spells that could end the battle more quickly. I cast Phantasmal Killer, revealing the air elemental's greatest fear and making it feel real. Maybe being turned in to a bat, I dunno. It works, the elemental failing its saving throws, and the air elemental dies immediately.

We were prepared. The encounter is over without too much trouble this time, although it's possible one of us wasn't quite pulling his dwarven weight.

It's a Privilege to Watch Him Think

2nd February 2016

Heading through the town towards the winding path to the monastery, someone beckons us in to a farmhouse. Curious, we head inside, only to see an apparently unused room obscured by veils.

Behind the veils a voice starts talking, giving us a portentous message. A second voice takes over, followed by silence. Pushing through the veils finds no one.

Thrak is unmoved. 'I thought it would be important.'

'It was important.'

'Not to my simple-minded, dwarven... uh...'


'Shut up.'

More Chrome Than Silver

2nd February 2016

We get in to the town before the monastery by walking through a Ragesian camp, with the enemy orcs barely paying attention to us. The attitude in the town is pretty relaxed too, rather more than seems warranted for a place supposedly under siege.

To try to make sense of the situation, we look for the town elder. Finding his address, we head to his home, but probably have to handle the situation with some delicacy. 'Who is skilled in diplomacy?' says Thrak.

'I have some training', says Salvador.

'Okay, good. Show him your silver tongue.'

Salvador pulls out a salve, smears his mouth with it, and shouts 'WITNESS ME!' as he knocks on the door.

One step beyond

22nd January 2016

We find proof that the royal dinner has been poisoned, and present that proof to our lord. He interrupts the dinner and all hell breaks loose. An inter-planar being (probably) reveals itself, and it, the king, and his guards attempt to destroy the kingdom more directly now that the poison plot won't work.

The inter-planar being, named Madness, is a tricky beast to attack. Huge, multi-limbed, and not altogether there. Not from being mad, but something else. Salvador attacks Madness, 'hitting AC23'.

'Make a miss chance, 50/50.' Salvador hits, doing damage, but Thrak is concerned that despite the hittable armour class we could still miss.

'She's incorporeal.'

'Yeah, Sal's not a real corporal either.'


'Fake corporal, fake brigadier. It amounts to the same rank.'

Somehow, we defeat Madness and the king returns to a lucid state. That's a relief, and it's good we realised not to attack him—well, after the Lightning Bolt I threw his way. Half the nobles of the realm still live, and although the situation is poor it is not irredeemable.

Sadly, our cleric died during the battle, somewhat ironically cut down by attacks of opportunity when trying to move out of combat to heal himself. We ought to get another one, but it's a worry that being our cleric has lower life-expectancy than drumming for Spinal Tap.

For our efforts and assistance in revealing and defeating the plot against the king, our lord is extremely grateful. He offers us some land we can call our own, a very generous reward indeed. 'I shall call it Fenksland', says Salvador.

'Fenksland? Really?'