It's a Colourful Language Out of Space

1st November 2017

Whilst exploring some ruins, looking for traces of an expedition that went missing some months ago, we encounter an ageing witch doctor tailing us. We confront him, and he turns out to be mostly friendly. He tells us that the expedition had indeed come this way, and left. That's a starting point.

After buying a charm from him, the witch doctor leans in to me and whispers something in my ear. The language sounds almost but not quite like Spanish, and having said it, the witch doctor runs off in to the forest.

'How peculiar. Professor, you're knowledgable of the local dialects, I think he said something like, "Iä, Iä, Cthulhu Fthagn". Whatever could it mean?

We've Narrowed it Down to the Western Hemisphere

26th October 2017

'You're all in Peru.'

'Ah, I had intended to do some research on the area.'

'It's in South America.'

'Yep, that's about all I know.'

'It's in north-west South America.'

'...which is it?'

'Definitely not East America.'

Malicious Compliance

12th October 2017

The Troubleshooters are still trying to burn the paint off the walls, this time with McGonagal shooting her laser at the wall. She's not very good with guns, though, and end up just shooting wildly in various directions.

Team Leader Blank steps in and stops McGonagal. He requests that Archibald, who is much better with guns, 'continue what McGonagal was doing'. Success! Archibald's skill with guns is immediately obvious as he carries out his orders. He still shoots wildly in various directions, just on purpose.

To make it look like he is trying to achieve their mission goal, Team Leader Blank picks up a propane tank and throws it down the corridor, so that Archibald will shoot it and cause an explosion. But his throw is off, and he instead hits Archibald in the head.

At least Archibald has stopped firing his laser pistol wildly, almost looking like that was the real reason Team Leader Blank threw the propane tank. But he does think causing the explosion is a good idea. 'McGonagal, we need that propane tank down the corridor, so I need you to do what I was trying.'

Success! McGonagal picks up the propane tank and throws it in to Archibald's head. These good, clear instructions from Team Leader must be bringing this mission closer to completion.

Let's Try it Again, With Less Deaths

28th September 2017

The Troubleshooters still need to fix the problem of the corridor painted the wrong colour. One plan involved burning the paint off the walls, by starting an electrical fire. This was achieved by attaching wires from their heated socks to the wall and plugging them in to a mains socket, although 'achieved' is the wrong word here.

The Troubleshooters' next clones arrive to continue the mission. 'I liked that plan, it was just the execution that wasn't so good.'

'I don't know how you can say that when it executed all of you pretty quickly.'

At Least, Let's Hope So

21st September 2017

'If I just had a bigger bomb, I could detonate it to kill all the Infrared citizens, and there wouldn't be any left that need to use this corridor.'

'You don't have a bigger bomb, though.'

'No. Okay, I have a be— another plan.'

'You can say 'better'. That's definitely the right word here.'

I Hope it Doesn't Make Your Teeth White, Troubleshooter

21st September 2017

The Troubleshooters have a mission to get a corridor mistakenly painted white back to its original colour. This is proving trickier than expected, for various reasons that are beyond their security clearance.

'Maybe we can scrape the paint off the walls? We don't have many tools, but I do have a toothbrush. I'll use that!'

It's a successful action! The toothbrush cleans the wall really quite well, giving it a nice sheen.

'Huh. It's almost like it's painted on.'

I Imagine You're Right

17th August 2017

'Can we see the god through the portal?'

'It's just shimmering light at the moment. It's like the opening of a wormhole.'

'That doesn't help. I've not actually seen any wormholes.'

'Use your imagination.'

'Okay, in my imagination the opening of a wormhole is like a full-blown IMAX experience. We see the god in amazing detail.'

'Well, your imagination is wrong.'

Spoiler: Not the Room We First Thought

17th August 2017

'Which way does the door open?'

'It opens in to the room.'

'... which room?'

It Just Stops Being a Skill Check

27th July 2017

We were at the bottom of a structure and got to the top quickly thanks to dimension door and fly spells. Now we're at the top of the structure and want to get to the bottom quickly, but have no more spells.

Luckily, there's a crane just sitting there, with a rope leading all the way down to the ground. I'm sure we can use that to slide down.

'There's a hard, moderate, or easy check for going down the rope. If you pass the hard check, you can essentially abseil all the way to the bottom in one round.'

'And even if we fail the hard check, I take it we will still make it to the bottom in one round.'

Well, You Heard Him, GM

20th July 2017

Thinking we're doing well to bypass a swathe of guards by using dimension door and fly spells gets turned around when previously unspotted pteradons start swooping down on us. At least they're being ridden, and our monk is still flying.

The monk starts flying between the pteradons, and rather than fight the riders directly he tries to shove them out of their saddles. The shoves turn out to be successful more often than not, sending the riders plummeting down to a messy death.

The same fall could happen to the monk too, though. Pasha has cast the fly spell, and it requires concentration. Should his concentration break, the spell ends, and the monk no longer flies. 'Don't take damage now', the monk calls to Pasha, 'or I'll have to fly this pteradon!'

'No, this sounds like the perfect time to take damage.'