An Otherwise Good Idea

20th December 2018

A Ray of Sickness hits our Cleric. It hits quite hard. Somewhat critically, in fact.

'Can I use Thunderclap in retaliation?'

'No, because you have to be within 5' to use the ability. And because you're unconscious.'

Quote of the Week

15th November 2018

'Are they wiggling in an aggressive way?' – Krunch, our fearless barbarian.

Have They Wet Themselves Too?

8th November 2018

As we partially fail to stop a ritual summoning from occurring, a vile fiend rises from the depths of a dark lake in front of us. Our plan is to leg it. We just hope we're going in the right direction. 'There are other kuatoa running the same way as you.'

'We run like fish-men?'

It Must Be Quite the Hovel

25th October 2018

The chief of the kuatoa finds his tribe in the midst of a factional split. As fate would have it, his daughter is the leader of the opposing faction, and he asks us if we would help him try to mend the rift. 'Of course. Where can we find her?'

'She lives in the ground floor of a hovel on the other side of...'

'Um. The ground floor of a hovel?'


'...of a hovel?'


Just Asking Questions

25th October 2018

'The kuatoa walks with you to his village. If you have any questions, this would be a good time to ask them.'

'What month is it?'

'It's, uh...'

'How do you keep time in the Underdark?'

'With, I, uh...'

'Do you celebrate birthdays?'


'Or do you hatch from eggs?'

'I'm... not sure...'

'Do you even lay eggs?'

'I DON'T KNOW! There isn't a detailed history of the race in the book, for god's sake.'

They'll Know What it Means

11th October 2018

After the rockfall, we appear to be trapped. Exploring this way and that finds slimes and what-not, but no exit, beyond water beginning to pour through a widening crack in the rock ceiling at one dead end. But in one direction is an area of worked rock, with rooms up a staircase. The only problem, for one of us, is that there is a sarcophagus in there, a very ornate one.

'Okay, let's close the door and go the other way.'

'Don't you want to open the sarcophagus?'

'To find a vampire, mummy, lich, or, at the very least, a dead body, in an area with no exits? No, strangely not.'

My colleagues are not convinced, wanting to loot a corpse more than escape the Drow that we continue to run from. And with no obvious way out of this area, they are convinced there is probably an exit through the sarcophagus. Kronk convinces Muffin to learn Augury, which they cast.

'Great Deity, what will be the results of opening the sarcophagus?'


'Quelle surprise. Can we go now?'

I head off in the other direction, to start breaking through the weakened rock to swim out of here, our mushroom friend sending out its spores to let us communicate telepathically at a distance so that we're not entirely separated.

Muffin and Kronk explore the other room, which has four coffins. Surprisingly, one of them is on rollers, which allow the coffin to be moved to the side, revealing a ladder leading to another room. 'Charmandrathrax, come back! We've found an exit!'

I go back, happy to have finally found an exit, only to learn that they haven't, in fact, found an exit, but they are tempting me with another dead-end room holding an even more ornate sarcophagus. 'Oh, no way, no! I'm going back to break that ceiling with water coming through as quickly as possible. Nothing good will come from this!'

'But it could be ladders all the way down!'. But I'm not buying it, and leave them to their undead investigations. And, of course, they open the sarcophagus, and, of course, a spectral figure appears.

'Ah, the living! You can free me from this prison... with your lives!'

Our telepathy is still working, which is handy for both groups. 'Come back and help us!'

'Nope, I knew it, nothing but trouble. I told you. I said from the start that this was a bad idea. I'm not coming back to die with you.'

'If you come back, we'll let you say 'I told you so' as often as you'd like!'

'No, that's okay. I can say that to you new characters too.'

There Was Time for a Ritual

4th October 2018

'As you move down the corridor, a strange sensation comes over you, and you realise that the very ground you are walking on is starting to tremble. The tremble turns to shaking, a mighty rumbling comes from every direction, and you realise that the whole corridor is starting to collapse around you! Small rocks fall first, but as the shaking gets worse larger stones begin to fall, as you dodge and dive to escape the rockfalls, which threaten the very integrity of the cavern you are in.

'Make dexterity saving throws.'

'Okay, I cast Guidance first.

'You don't have time to cast Guidance.'

'But you've been talking for ages.'

Light on Foot, Light on Communication

20th September 2018

We are escaping a Drow compound, and have come to a vast chasm, across which stretches webbing, as far as can be seen. As we ponder our options, a couple of goblins appear and, once I convince my colleagues not to just slaughter them, the goblins offer to guide us across the webs to the other side of the chasm. For a few coins, that seems like a fair deal.

'As your guide goes over the webbing, everything is fine to start with. But as Charmandrathrax the Combustrous goes over it, the extra weight...

'First of all, how dare you.'

'...snaps the webbing.'

It's not a big problem, just a few strands of many, and with a moderate dexterity save we are able to stop ourselves from falling. Kronk is particularly dextrous, rolling a natural 20 to gracefully avoid the breaking webbing. 'Yes, I sensed that about to happen from half-a-mile back!'

'Well, thanks for the warning, douche.'

Hot and Fun!

16th August 2018

Blank-R jumps in to the vat of Hot Fun, for reasons that make obvious sense.

'How hot is it?', asks Kevin-R.

'I'm disappointed.'

The Computer hears this, as The Computer hears everything. 'Why, Troubleshooter? Is it neither Hot or Fun?'

'Not really. It's more Tepid Fun, Friend Computer.'

'Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Troubleshooter.' The heating elements in the vat are turned up as high as they do.

Blank-R manages to surface as he feels his skin sloughing off his body. What will be his last words to his teammates?

'Come on in, it's fine!'

+25 XP, and a new clone to Blank-R.

Cry Fowl

2nd August 2018

'The mayor gives you but a paltry reward.'

'That's okay, I like chicken.'