Forgetting Where You Are

12th August 2014

'Is there anyone at the temple who can identify this flask of oil the soldier was carrying?'

'I imagine so, yes.

'Hi, can you identify this flask of oil, please?'

'We're not there yet.'

I'll Touch Myself

7th August 2014

Our connection goes somewhat awry. For a start, our contact identifies me, a gnome, to be his contact, a human. He gets shifty, we remain clueless. Of course, us being the greatest detectives in the realm, we spook him.

The gnome flees, hitting the first-floor balcony and starting to scrabble up the side of the building, somewhat spider-like. Salvador gives chase, barging open the door, through which Thrak runs and tries to grab the gnome, knowing we want answers and not a dead body. He misses.

A light appears from the floor above, which Salvador recognises as a lantern archon, a lawful-good planar being. They must have met before, because a light from the archon engulfs both Salvador and Thrak, dooming them, just a little bit. The gnome remains in good health and climbs up to the next story.

Undeterred, Salvador shares his plan to reach the next balcony. 'I'm going to jump up there. All I need is a run up.'

Once reminded that the building is circular and convex, and that most people have trouble changing directions in mid-air, Salvador decides instead to find a ramp up to the next balcony and keep his feet planted on a solid surface. He does this, catches up with the gnome, and tries to grab him, failing.

I knew it. No one really wants to touch a gnome.

Either Way, I'm Insulted

7th August 2014

Heading in to the depository to meet a contact and collect a case, we are told that inside there is a 'very ugly gnome indeed'.

'That's okay', says Thrak, our dwarf barbarian, 'we're used to dealing with ugly gnomes.' Thrak looks my way, me being a gnome. '...not mentioning any names.'

'What is my name?'

'I literally have no idea.'


It's Not a Thrown Weapon

31st July 2014

'A bow 'n' arrow goes flying past you.'

'A bow and arrow? I don't think he's doing it right.'

'No, a bone arrow.'

'That makes more sense.'

Slam Dunk of a Hit

31st July 2014

'This last mook is going to have a futile hit against...'



Ah, the sound of a die being haphazardly thrown in to a glass of coke behind the GM's screen.

Quote of the Week

31st July 2014

'In theory, I can do damage.'

Somehow, theory turns to practice. Duncan's ×4 critical scythe and twinked multi-classing gets a massive hit, adding up to 72 points of damage before the small damage reduction takes that down to 69 points.

Of course, he does this against a mook with a handful of hit points left, and not the 'dragon' we're supposedly meeting a couple of encounters further up the hill, but at least he does it.

Speak With Weasel

24th July 2014

'Help! Help! My baby is missing!' Another citizen in distress, as sections of the city are burning and there is panic in the streets. We must help him.

'Cat or dog?'


Whatever floats your boat, I suppose. We can still help. I cast speak with animals and start calling out in weasel for the weasel not to be alarmed and to come back to the comforting embrace of his owner.

A quick fluke on a diplomacy check, and a weasel comes running from somewhere and up his owner's trouser leg, probably. Now Lord Brewswain Iounman Cumbersnatch III must away! There are more citizens in need of rescuing this dire evening.

Starting to Fulfil my Destiny

24th July 2014

The city is on fire! We sort of learn what the weird noises were, and why a few of our ambushers were alight, when we escape capture and flee outside to see many houses on fire. Some large, flying creatures appear to be setting light to the city, or are at least assisting.

We have to get to our next contact if we are to aid the resistance, but making our way through the streets passes many people in need of assistance. We can't say no, not to the man who is badly burnt and falls unconscious nearby.

Aggar heals the man, bringing him back to consciousness, at which point the man asks us to take his children to the safety of the temple. Of course we can do that.

Further down the road, a woman is screaming out of a third-floor window, the whole building in flames below her. A bit of quick thinking and improvisation gets a blanket stretched out by some strong volunteers, mostly our party. We encourage the woman to jump, she does, and she is caught safely in the blanket.

Another citizen saved. Now Lord Brewswain Iounman Cumbersnatch III must away! There are more citizens in need of rescuing this dire evening.

Karma at Work

24th July 2014

As the fight continues, our new ally, the contact for the resistance, starts to cast a spell. No one in our party recognises the spell, perhaps because our fearless gnome illusionist has ducked out of the side door and is pretending to be a barrel for survival purposes. It's working so far, but it means the rest of the party doesn't know what's about to happen.

It is perhaps unfortunate that our ally looks familiar, the miniature plucked from the box being the one used long ago in a different adventure. Our current GM was not present for that adventure, and so doesn't know the history of that miniature, the character it stood in for turning out not to be our friend, as promised, but a glamoured Erinyes devil who inevitably betrayed us.

The familiarity and history of the figure is having an effect, more on the GM of that old adventure than the rest of us, apparently. Now playing Thrak the barbarian, the mistrust that he instilled in us with every NPC betrayal is working at his psyche. Offered a saving thrown against our resistance ally's spell, he accepts, saving against the spell's effects. The spell, as it turns out, is bless.

Both Salvador the duskblade and Aggar the cleric gain a bonus +1 on a few rolls, including attack rocks. Thrak goes without. So it goes that, a couple of rounds later, Thrak attacks a prone opponent. His barbarian class, chosen weapon, and swinging at someone on the floor means that 'as long as I don't get a 3 I'm going to hit.' He rolls a 2.

Oh, if only he didn't seed such paranoia within our little group when GM, he may have taken that bless spell in the spirit with which it was given.

Cut Down Like a Dog

24th July 2014

We connect with a contact in the resistance, but our meeting place is rumbled. We find this out when we hear a voice outside the front door commanding someone, probably multiple someones, to burst in. A massive thud signals our first taste of action in the threatening war.

Not only does the front door get bashed open, a few other people armed with saps run down the stairs. For some reason, they're screaming and one is on fire. Never mind, we have to get out of here.

The two people at the front door are despatched easily enough, and the two behind us are held in place. The leader, still outside, sends his dog in to attack.

Salvadore, bane of all animals, uses his glaive to hit with an attack of opportunity as the dog rushes snarling in to the building, narrowly missing a critical strike but still cutting down the dog brutally before it even gets close. This kind of slaughtering of innocent creatures comes naturally to our duskblade.

'It's just a shame he didn't get to cast colour spray on the beast first.'