I Couldn't See That I Was Blindfolded

1st December 2016

Pasha, Nerrick and Herbivore have been captured. This aggression will not stand. Thankfully, a couple of ally scouts have been sent to find out what we're up to, and are willing to help rescue my colleagues.

An enemy scout, killed in the earlier melee, is dug out of the snow and his uniform taken, which, coupled with my skills in disguise, should let me get close to the camp. We go at night, and I head in to see the situation. Pasha and Nerrick are caged in the open, whilst Herbie is elsewhere, not having a good time, by the sounds of it.

I use a bit of magic to pick the lock of the cage from a distance, and deliver something sharp so that Nerrick and Pasha can cut through their ropes. The only problem is that Nerrick is barely conscious, leaving Pasha to be the one to get them both free. This really is a problem.

'What's the plan?', asks the GM.

'I'll get my arms free, then legs, remove my gag...'

'Maybe remove your blindfold first', I suggest, using my Message spell.

Pasha checks that he is indeed blindfolded, and amends his plan. 'Okay, blindfold, arms, legs... yes, that'll work.'

To be fair, I maybe didn't phrase my suggestion clearly enough.

Is It a Hoarse Screeching?

24th November 2016

'You hear a screech above, and looking up you see a creature that is half-eagle, half-horse flying down towards you. The odd thing is that there's a woman riding it.'

'Mmm, I don't think that's the odd thing about this.'

Give Pasha a Hand

17th November 2016

A decrepit door is nearly our downfall, as our dexterity-based party is nearly turned around when pushing with all our might does nothing. Only by happening to pull a strong creature out of Pasha's Bag of Tricks do we get past this obstinate obstacle.

Inside the ancient tower we find the resting place of the wraith's physical form, under a trapdoor in what is obviously, thanks to watching Labyrinth a few too many times, an oubliette. But it is upwards where we find the wraith itself.

We don't so much find the wraith as bump in to him. With a staircase to a mezzanine level rotten and crumbling, the whole party is struggling to climb up to the next level. I am the lucky one to be first over the ledge, right in to the waiting wraith.

'Ah. About that deal you mentioned earlier, to become death knights and rule the world by your side. Please don't attack me, because that's clearly what I've come to talk to you about.'

'All you have to do is kill your unwilling friend.'

'Pasha? It's a deal! But let's not shake on it.'

Until Its Throat is Sore

22nd October 2016

'Before you even get to the junction, you hear a banging and a horse shouting.'

'... what's it shouting?'

Glass Half-full of a Water God

13th October 2016

We vanquish a necromancer who made his home inside some barrows and was using the reanimated corpses of a nearby ex-village as labour.

Barely has his cold body hit the floor when a phantom of dark swirling mist rises up from the Necromancer's corpse and addresses us. 'My Lord, Ehalazuhn, wishes to recognise your great efforts and asks you not to heed the lies spread about him by unbelievers.'

''Recognise our efforts'? Excellent, it sounds like we will be knights again!'

'Deathknights, maybe.'

'Either way, people will call me sir.'

But it is Probably an Apt Metaphor

6th October 2016

'There is a lantern ahead, a couple of miles away.'

'We shall go to investigate the latern.'

'So you're heading towards the light.'

'Stop making it sound so ominous.'

I Knew This Ages Ago

29th September 2016

The spell 'Obscure Object' is ineffective against the Hipster.

Gravity is a Harsh Mistress

22nd September 2016

Wyvern attack! We could be in trouble as it swoops down to rake us with its claws before climbing back out of range. But Pasha helps us out, casting a spell that blinds the creature.

Now that it can't see us, the Wyvern can do little but flap around. Sadly, it doesn't land as Pasha expects, but climbs in the air and flies in tight circles, trying its best to stay out of harm's way.

The Wyvern is almost out of trouble, but it is just at the optimal range of our bows, if we stand right underneath it. So that's what we do, we move underneath the Wyvern and start pinging it from below.

It seems like such a good idea, right until one of us deals the final, killing blow, and the Wyvern stops flapping its wings. At that point, we realise that maybe we shouldn't be standing directly underneath it after all.

But Might Have Got More Hits Too

15th September 2016

Have we found everything of value? How can we know, until someone casts Detect Magic? Pasha goes above and beyond the call of duty, not only casting the spell but making sonar noises as he searches for magic, 'Bing! Bing! Bing!', until I throw his pencil out of the room.

We find a couple of magic items, and a gem nearby, which is a good result. The GM wants to know 'what else are you doing in this room?'

'Well, I binged for magic.'

'Probably would have got better results if you'd googled instead.'

Trust in the Time of Trapped Chests

15th September 2016

Defeating the Bugbear slavers and their overseer, we are left with the excellent task of looking for loot. We find a chest. 'It's not locked', says the GM, but we're not naive adventurers.

'I'll check the chest for traps.'

Having the GM tell me, 'let's say it isn't trapped', doesn't fill me with confidence.

'Is it trapped?'

'It's not, and I don't want to have to spend 10 minutes digging through the rules for traps.'

'Okay, I open it.'

'...nothing happens.'

'It doesn't even open? You said it wasn't locked.'