Slain by Elf

We're investigating back-stage at the town's theatre to find any clues of who might have poisoned the dead councillor, and how they might have done it. Investigating the dressing rooms of the various artists, perhaps sensing some evidence is close by, or that we are about to be ambushed by goblin ninjas, the DM asks us to make some Spot checks. He allows us to take out time, and asks 'What are your Spot check results if you take 20?', going around the table to get the results.

When it comes to Bert, he calmly says 'minus 20'.

'Minus 20?! What crazy arse negatives are you getting?'

'No, mine is 20.' Ah.

Our murder investigation leads us on to ask questions of a diplomatic envoy, a general of his native city, who was with the councillor the previous night. The pair were heard by the councillor's butler to have been in a heated argument together, which was worthy of investigation, if only to exclude him from being a suspect.

'The general meets you in his mansion. When you enter he is waiting for you, standing at the bottom step of his stairs, flanked by two guards.'

'He's flanked by two of his own guards and he's supposed to be a strategic genius? How did he ever make general?'

Luckily, the guards don't take the opportunity to attack and we get to ask out questions. They don't really lead us anywhere though. Onwards!

Our investigations in to the brutal killing of the councillor begin at his home, where his body was found dead in his bed, his throat ripped out. It looks like some kind of beast bit the councillor's throat out violently. A keen search of the room also shows some claw marks leading from the bed to the window, also suggesting some kind of beast, but with the windows closely barred there is certainly a mystery here.

We interview the butler, to find out habits and the circumstance surrounding the councillor's actions the previous evening. Learning of the presence of another servant in the councillor's home that was present the previous evening, and already knowing that the councilllor was a lech of a man, Dexter tries to glean some more information. 'What was the maid servant's relationship to the councillor?', he asks.

Ann-See leans in, 'She was his maid servant'.

Apart from easily-overlooked details like that, we also learnt that the councillor was at the theatre the previous night. This is no big surprise, with him being a patron of the theatre. The mystery of the situation, as well as other facts surrounding his death, prompt us to recall what acts are currently playing, in case someone, or something, there could be a suspect. With both myself and Dexter occasionally playing on the bill, we remember the current acts, with one of them being a scantily-clad woman dancing on stage wrapped in a live snake.

'A snake?', enquires Tal, 'I wonder if it is possible that a snake could have caused such a wound to the councillor's throat'.

The DM starts to ponder on what sort of skills we would need to be able to discern different animal bites, when Dexter interjects. 'It may well be possible for the bite to have been caused by a snake, but I am guessing that a snake didn't make the claw marks we found on the floor.' Mmm, good point.

We are still none-the-wiser about what sort of beastie could have got in through a first floor barred window to eat someone's throat when we investigate the grounds outside the bedroom window.

'My keen senses note that there is the presence of a bear-human footprint in the ground over here.'

'A bear-human?! What an abomination!'

'No, wait, my keen senses are being told that it was, in fact, a bare human footprint. As in, undressed.'

'Oh.'

We live in ignorance.

After our battle with the pirates we spend a restful couple of weeks in the city, taking each day as it comes. Ann-See wonders if during this quiet time she finds out anything when she returns to her day job at the baths. 'You didn't tell me you were going back to your job', says the DM.

'I also didn't tell you I was still breathing', Ann-See's player dangerously replies with, tempting the DM to ask for constitution checks for the past two weeks. Thankfully he doesn't and we get back to the task of wondering what feat we will train in after we gained a level from finishing the pirate adventure. Even with a week to gain new skills, boost an ability score, and choose a feat, it is still not altogether complete by the time we reconvene as a party. There follows considerable discussion about what would be best to train in. It takes so long that Will asks 'are we 5th level yet?', which the DM doesn't find as amusing as the players.

'If you'll be quiet, we can get started.'

One morning, as we are eating breakfast, a messenger delivers a scroll to us. Well, to Tal, who we're not sure can even read, even though he assures us he can. Even after this assurance, nothing much is done with the messenger's scroll.

The DM prompts 'Well? What are you going to do with it? And let me warn you: if you throw it away this will be an awfully quick end to the adventure.'

'Does that mean we'll make 5th level? We'll have finished the adventure, after all.' Apparently not, as the DM ignores us and reads the scroll. A councillor has been murdered! And we are called to investigate his death and to find the killer. An important task to be sure, and we finish our breakfast to make sure we are in the best of conditions to start out investigations. After we have eaten we head out to go to the councillor's estate, where the scroll beckoned us to travel. Outside, we are surprised to see a carriage and footmen await for us, asking us where we have been.

'Did you not read the scroll? It said the matter was of great urgency!'

'Oh. We just read that someone was killed, I don't think anyone paid attention to that part. Anyway, it seems that everything is urgent these days, not to worry.' And off we head!

We meet with two other councillors who explain the situation, and are told that because of the circumstances, we have 9 hours to find the killer and bring him to justice. It would have been 12 hours, but our extended breakfast has cut down on investigation time somewhat. Oops.

To help us with our investigation, the councillors give us a proclamation on a scroll that gives us absolute authority in all matters in the city, allowing us to investigate any property without interference, and which forces citizens living in the city to comply with our every wish, and even bestowing us with the power to interrogate any citizen in any manner necessary. Tal is the first to fully understand what we now hold. 'Woo! Facist state, here we come!'

We have 9 hours of absolute authority in a large city. We may have to leave quickly afterwards, but this is going to be an awesome 9 hours.

The Netherwing drakes are being abused by the Dragonmaw orcs. As a brave adventurer, you are tasked with infiltrating the Dragonmaw orcs and subverting their cause from the inside. Superficially, it looks like you are assisting the orcs, but you are continually working to disrupt operations and work against them. To help with this task, a powerful glamer is cast upon you, so that whenever you are in the proximity of Netherwing Ledge in Shadowmoon Valley you are transformed to appear as a Dragonmaw orc, and your mount appears as a riding drake that they have enslaved.

Performing tasks for the orc warlord or your goblin ally, you gain reputation with the Netherwing faction, and your position with the Dragonmaw increases. Starting out as a grunt, you can work your way up to lieutenant, captain, and beyond, until you reach the highest level in the clan. At this point, the general calls Lord Illidan to appear to recognise your efforts for the Dragonmaw. But Illidan isn't as weak-minded as the orcs, and he sees through your disguise. He removes it in front of the orc, showing your true form, and threatens to punish the general and yourself. Luckily, your Netherwing friends help you escape before your punishment is meted out.

One such fellow human managed to rise to the highest rank with the Dragonmaw yesterday. I have been infiltrating the Dragonmaw myself, as have many others, and looked on with others as this fellow was faced by Illidan himself. The general proclaimed this fake orc their hero and Illidan revealed the human as an imposter to the orcs. At witnessing this, one onlooker shouted for this fellow to 'RUN!' once he was uncovered.

'Surely you mean 'kill the imposter!'?' I enquired. 'After all, we're all orcs here, aren't we?' This was met with an embarrassed mumble. 'There are no humans here... are there?'

At that point, most onlookers shuffled back to their daily subversive tasks, and left the human in front of Illidan to fend for himself.

A band of heroic adventurers, including my warlock self, had banded together to defeat the evil forces with the Tempest Keep structure known as the Mechanar. We were merrily defeating wave after wave of unsuspecting evil, when one of the baddies dropped a pattern that detailed how a tailor could make some Arcanoweave Boots. This is quite a find! The pattern itself binds to the person who picks it up (until they are dead, it at least seems), and anyone who isn't a tailor is unaware of any significance of what appear to them to be mere scribblings on the parchment. Only tailors have a chance of seeing and picking up the pattern.

What luck! I am a tailor, and the pattern is one I don't know. It's also quite a high-level pattern, which would allow my skill to increase with every pair of boots bade. On top of that, the materials needed to make the boots are less onerous to acquire than other patterns of a similar level that I know. Oh, for the pattern to drop is a happy occurrence indeed! But wait, there is another tailor in the party, and so our dice clatter across the polished floor in a mighty battle that is reminiscent of the times I fought Ragnaros in Molten Core! And just as Ragnaros handed me back my scorched arse on more than one occasion, I lost the dice roll. The excellent tailoring pattern went to the shadow priest.

Ah well! I'm not going to get bent out of shape over that, as it was a chance happening anyway, and my ally will make good use of the pattern himself. Besides, we are making good progress through the Mechanar, and are working well as a team. Onwards, we continue.

But what is this? Another pattern for Arcanoweave Boots, mere two groups of enemies later? Yes, yes it is! Truly I have not seen such fortuitous circumstances, for now surely the pattern will be in my grasp for me to commit to memory at once! Hold, sounds our holy priest, for he too is a tailor. Apparently a rather absent-minded one, as he didn't contest the dice roll for the previous pattern. This time he is awake, and he must be a tailor for he too sees the sense made out of the writings. Another epic dice roll, reminding me of when I ascended to the top of Blackrock Mountain and fought Nefarian himself! Again, I am reminded of such a battle because Nefarian used to chew me up and spit me out like a gristly dwarf, just as the holy priest's dice beat the crap out of my shoddy pair. I need to get better dice.

Ah well! It was rare indeed to see two such patterns drop, so close together as well. That in itself is remarkable enough to brighten my day, to foster hope for the future, as much as beating blood elves in to bloody pulp. And there are more blood elves left in the Mechanar for me to take out my clearly non-existing frustrations on, so onwards!

Would you believe it? ANOTHER pattern for the Arcanoweave Boots drops! I kid you not, a third identical pattern is found on another corpse mere minutes later. I draw a deep breath, hoping that neither the mail-wearing hunter nor the plate-wearing warrior are interested in the cloth armour-producing tailoring pattern. My dice roll across the floor, and... well, no one is paying attention, as they are off fighting more blood elves whilst I alone am rolling dice. On the positive side, it meant that the pattern was mine. Huzzah!

And just to reinforce the Arcanoweave motif of the Mechanar, the blood elf head honcho that we despatched at the end of the dungeon had a pattern for the Arcanoweave Robe on his burnt, face-melted and dismembered corpse. The holy priest walked away with that pattern, although it was clearly a good day for every tailor in the Mechanar.

The hydra appears from the marshy waters, there are pirates aplenty, and the crows flying around are mostly ignored for the sake of simplicity. We are in the heat of battle! Ann-See is desperate to disengage from the blacksmith and his two hounds to help against the vicious hydra that is gouging deep wounds in both Dexter and George. Even so, she doesn't intend to be followed, and hacks away at the dogs first, and the dogs bite back. Ann-See moves to get a better angle on one of the dogs, and away from the second dog. This second dog retaliates by moving back to an attacking position, and intentionally moves in such a way that it doesn't provoke an attack of opportunity whilst getting in to a flanking position, creating a chorus of 'Hey! They're not that smart!' from all the players.

'They're trained war dogs', retorts the DM, apparently explaining everything.

Dexter isn't convinced, though. 'Trained enough to move so that they won't provoke an attacks of opportunity and know how to flank opponents. They are clearly smarter than us, displaying a keeness of strategy that escapes most intelligent fighters. I'm going make Int my dump stat on my warriors. It's going to be at least animal intelligence, so I should be able to perform any advanced combat strategy!'

Even after this biting satire, which suggested Dexter took a level of bard when no one was looking, the dog took its flanking attack on Ann-See. Nevertheless, Ann-See despatched the dogs and left the blacksmith to his own devices as she sped around the main building to help the rest of the party.

Meanwhile, I was actually being useful in combat, albeit mostly accidentally. I acrobatically launched myself through a window from the roof and engaged the pirate woman who looked like she had reserve points, and thus was useful to the plot, although she decided, correctly, that fighting me was beneath her, and set more hounds on me before retreating further back in to the building. That wasn't a problem, as I was needed outside again anyway. I threw myself back out through the same window I entered and applied some medical attention to Dexter, who had been badly bitten by the hydra, the hydra who now seemed to be ambling around aimlessly and a looking as confused as a hydra can looked confused.

After helping Dexter, I moved to another window on the building to see what I could see through it. Lo and behold, the pirate woman was standing right next to it, attempting to get out. She tried to push me out of the way, but my feet must have sunk in to the marsh to their ankles, as I stayed firmly in place. Frustrated that I had blocked her exit, and apparently her path to controlling the hydra again, she turned and headed back to find yet another exit. I jumped through the window in pursuit, followed quickly by Ann-See, but we were faced instead by some more pirate minions.

By the time we had killed off the pirates inside the building, keeping safely away from the hydra outside, the pirate woman and blacksmith were nowhere to be seen. I clambered up on to the roof via another window, and saw that they were back on their own pirate ship that we had stolen previously, and were setting sail. With marshly land and water to cover before we could even get back on the ship, and a hydra that could move freely through that ground shadowing the ship and being controlled by the woman now on the ship, we considered that we stood less chance of recapturing it and getting back in to battle with the escaping pirates than Dexter had of spontaneously gaining tremorsense overnight. The few remaining pirates escaped.

Despite this set-back, we had an empty pirate camp. A bit of searching found some traps that made me glad I had rested enough to transfer my reserve points across, and beyond the traps was plentiful information to uncover and prove the identity of the ringleaders of the pirates and their involvement in piracy in the waters of Malador. Recovering these papers successfully completed a significant portion of our mission, even if we didn't bring the pirate ship back to port with us.

I finally managed to get through the Shadow Labyrinth to get the first fragment of the Karazhan key. The first two attempts had to be aborted owing to a lack of time, but the group I made it with pretty much raced through the instance. The tank was pretty good, but the DPS and healing were awesome, and we sailed through encounters, and some early bad pulls. In fact, I think the bad pulls gave us all confidence about each other. The second pull went wrong, and a few of us edged to the instance exit, but stayed inside and we defeated the extra group without a problem. Another bad pull soon after that saw us defeat a big group with some excellent healing, and it seemed like we didn't think things could go wrong. Sure, bad pulls are technically 'wrong', but it was nothing insurmountable. There was only one wipe, and that was a pull that shouldn't have gone wrong right before Murmur, the final boss. A quick recovery later and we killed Murmur easily on the first attempt. I picked up the key fragment and we all went on our separate paths.

Having the first key allows me the option of getting the second and third, so I tried to get in to either the Arcatraz, for the third fragment, or the Steamvaults, for the second. I have managed to get the key for the Arcatraz, but haven't visited either dungeons in my warlock guise yet. I got myself in to a group for Steamvaults, which is a fairly small dungeon, and we started. After the false start, with the healer being 'called away' and one of the damage dealers falling asleep or something, we get a full group and start to clear the dungeon of enemies. The second key fragment is quite close to the entrance, and I get to pick it up just before we fight the first boss. Huzzah! From there, we continue.

The first boss falls quite easily, and we are doing pretty well as a group. Nothing spectacular, but good progress and everyone seems to know what they are doing. Except when it comes to bind-on-pickup loot. The first boss drops some BoP loot, and one person passes and two others roll 'greed' before any rules for how to handle it are announced, and before I can point out that I'm an enchanter and can disenchant any unwanted loot in to a shard, which often has better value than the loot itself. I am told to 'roll need to disenchant'. But that's a bit dangerous, I think. On top of that, two people have rolled 'greed', so would they both like it, or are they both enchanters, or what? I roll 'greed' myself because it's all terribly unclear, and someone wins it, but cannot disenchant. This also means that the person, maybe two, who didn't roll didn't get a chance to get the loot. That struck me as unfair.

I pointed out the way of handling BoP loot drops that is not only logical based on the way the looting system works but that has also been used in every other run I've been on. If someone needs the item they roll 'need', if there is an enchanter in the party he rolls 'greed', and if you don't need it and are not an enchanter you pass on the item. That way, 'need' rolls overrule and 'greed' rolls, and 'greed' rolls overrule any passes, ensuring that the item goes to someone who either will makes use of the item or can turn it in to a shard that can be passed out afterwards. My advice met something of a silence, but wasn't turned down. Onwards to the second boss.

The second boss dies, and he drops another BoP item. Again, two people roll 'greed' and at least one passes. I take this opportunity to point out again that this is not the best way to achieve loot distribution, and am again told just to roll 'need' to disenchant the item. I try to press home the flaw in this thinking, but am ignored, so I roll 'need' and win the item to disenchant it. Sensing that something will go horribly wrong with this system, I make it a matter of some importance to point out the flaw again. 'What if someone actually needs the item?' I ask.

'Then you wait until everyone has rolled and then you work out what to do'.

'But if needers 'need', enchanters 'greed' and everyone else passes there is no need to wait. If I roll 'need' I could get loot that is actually needed!' But they didn't seem to understand. This was most odd, as the group was competent in other ways, it's just that looting seemed beyond them.

Fine, if that's the way they want it. I appeal to my guild, in the guild-only chat channel, updating them with what my group has asked me to do, and am glad that I am not alone in seeing things going seriously awry at some point. They ask me to keep them appraised of the ensuing drama.

Now, I admit that I was being a bit of a dick to prove a point. In my defence, there is a working system being used by almost everyone else. I pointed out how to use this system to everyone's advantage, more than once. I pointed out the flaw in their thinking, more than once. No one seemed to care. I am also doing people a favour by disenchanting the items, as I don't have to. Waiting until everyone has rolled is not a great option, as if two items drop there are two lots of five rolls, all in the same colours, all either 'need', 'greed', or 'passed on', with 'need' and 'greed' not easily distinguishable, and potentially all the messages are intermingled with each other as well as with party and guild chat messages. For doing people a favour, I do not want to have to wade through information in order to work out other people's intentions. It also really didn't help when some people passed and others rolled 'greed', as it introduced unfairness in to the system that I could not override. I am told to roll 'need' to disenchant, so that's what I'll do.

We kill the third and final boss, and he drops two items. I can use neither, but have been told to roll 'need'. I do so. The shaman, it turns out, actually wants one of the items, but my roll beats his, so I get it. It's BoP, so I cannot give it to him. The shaman protests, leaves the party, sends me bitter /tells, to which I can only point out I was doing what I was told and had tried to stop exactly this from happening, but, of course, that doesn't help him. The others in the party aren't too bothered, and two of the reasonable ones see the folly of what has occurred. My guild finds it amusing that the almost-inevitable happened. I'm just left wondering why it had to get to that point. Ah well.

We have a plan to find the base of the captured pirates! It's not a very good plan, partly because an NPC didn't think of it, and mostly because it was my idea. I decided to ask the pirate with the foppish hat where the base was, and do so forcefully. At first, he didn't respond to the 'ask the question three times' strategy, so I had to stab him a bit. He didn't seem to mind that too much, so to set an example I cut him up a bit more, and threw him overboard as shark chum. The plan worked! The next pirate I picked on was far more open about helping, letting us know the location of the base and how to manoeuvre through the shallow waters that lead there.

The rest of the party were not as impressed as I was about getting the information, particularly Ann-See. 'Why did you kill him and throw him overboard?' she shrieked. 'I really wanted his awesome foppish hat with the feather, you silly-billy!' Actually, yeah, that was a bit of a mistake, as it was a neat hat, plus it would have been a fairly decent way to disguise ourselves going in to the base. Even so, we head off, with a skeleton crew for our stolen pirate ship and the rest of the pirates being taken back to face trial in the city on the barge.

It's only when we get close enough to the base and see what we are facing that the full extent of my short-sightedness becomes apparent, as the lowly pirate guiding us admits that he knows nothing of the operations of the base, how many people there are, what guards are generally around, or anything like that, and that we should really ask the chap in the hat. Except we killed him. Okay, I killed him. And we didn't even get his hat. Lesson learnt.

Seeing some guard towers, I decide that a bit of stealthy death is the best way to sneak in to base, whilst the others pilot the ship in to what counts as the dock here, as nonchalantly as they can. I manage to sneak up inside the base and in to the guard tower, and... well, it appears I can't quite get enough of a jump on the guard to kill him quickly, so he turns to face me, nasty gash in his side. He pushes me back, and reaches for his alarm bell. I try to push him out of the tower, but my puny frame isn't strong enough to achieve this, and the bell starts ringing. Uh-oh, he's calling for the hydra!

Hmm, no hydra yet, but it does cause the banging of metal-on-metal that we take to be blacksmithing to stop suddenly. As I wonder to myself how the sound could have petered out instead of stopping suddenly, thus preventing the adverb from being unnecessary, the rest of the party jump in to action, disembarking hastily from the pirate ship. Ann-See heads towards the second guard tower to take out the guard, and Dexter and George take up defensive positions in the middle of the camp. And it's just in time, as some pirates come out of one of the buildings. The leader of those three pulls out a conch shell and lets forth a booming call on it. Uh-oh, she's calling for the hydra!

Oop, no hyrda yet. The conch calls out the apparent blacksmith from his building, flanked by a couple of mean-looking hounds. And the smith is someone we recognise from town, and the potential mole for the information the pirates are getting! We might need to keep him alive. He sounds a harsh whistle from his lips as he spies Dexter and Geoff. Uh-oh, he's calling for the hydra!

Umm, still no hydra. Instead, the pirates accompanying the conch-blower now let loose their own whistle. Uh-oh hydra? Yes! Up from the depths, thirty stories high, breathing fire, his head in the sky, the hydra, the hydra, the hydra! No, wait, this is a Bad Thing. On top of that, we have some crows attacking us.

One of the crows swoops down from a roof to attack Dexter. 'Hey, if it's coming down from the roof, shouldn't it take falling damage?'

'It's a crow!', points out the GM.

'It doesn't matter. It either tumbles or takes D6 falling damage' Dexter protests, but to no avail.

A hydra to the left of us, pirates on either side, crows diving down from above. Two guards are down, with the third forgotten about by the GM, thankfully. We are now fully on the offensive. The hydra moves in to shore to join the fray, moving easily through the water to the land.

'That marshy area is difficult terrain!' points out Dexter, as the hydra takes its full move to shore.

'Do you think the hydra cares about moving through marshy areas?' the GM is quick to ask us.

'I don't care about difficult terrain, but you still penalise me for it', replies Dexter.

Nevertheless, the hydra closes in, the pirates are attacking, the crows are flying all over the place, Ann-See is attacking some dogs, I'm clambering over a roof to get closer to the action, and Dexter and George are in the thick it as always. Maybe it's a domesticated hydra that just wants to play. Only time will tell.

After our daring destruction of a cult dedicated to the downfall of civilisation, but more particularly that of the city we are currently visiting, we return from the slums of The Flow back to the Foot of the city, and resume a more normal state of existence. Some of us rest and relax, shop and browse, find out rumours and gossip, or get part-time work that has decent perqs. Eventually, we are sought again for some dangerous investigation where discretion is required. Oh, our discretion is legendary, and we prove it by asking loudly why if this meeting is supposed to be secret are there guards posted on the door of the room in this inn. I think I took an extra, undeclared talent of 'Annoying PCs on First Impressions'. I'm not sure how it's working out for me so far.

It transpires that pirates are active and pillaging ships coming back from profitable visits to the aged towers of treasure. Yarr, them be stealin' from decent folk, arr. The pattern of piracy is interesting too, implicating a mole in the customs house. We are to stop the pirates' operation and root out the mole, helping to ensure peaceful seas, and for this we will receive a handsome reward. How could we turn that down?

A cunning plan is put in to place, by our employer obviously, and we put it in to action. We go out on a supposed treasure run to the towers, on the same day as some newbie adventurers also head out, then we switch boats for the return journey so that the pirates think they are attacking unsuspecting adventurers, not the hardy foes that we will turn out to be. Nothing could go wrong with the plan! At least, not until we have to start making our own decisions.

The pirate ship is spotted as we head back on the two-day journey to port, bearing its notable five-headed hydra figurehead. We prepare to be boarded, readying for battle. We catch sight of the pirates, and they are a motley crew indeed. We pick out a couple of likely targets, the sort of pirates that would have surnames or reserve hit points, and try to formulate a quick battle strategy. Our two main fighters would take the half-naked barbarian ('which half is naked? Eww.'), whilst Ann-See and myself would try to take out the foppish archer, who would likely stay at range to cause problems.

The plan works brilliantly. Ann-See and myself attack the foppish archer, before he dodges away from us, leaving us surrounded by pirates determined to see a wet t-shirt competition, seeing as they push the both of us overboard. As we—well, I—struggle to get back on board, Dexter and Geoff battle the swarming pirates, with Dexter's main contribution being to swing his weapon with increasing menace to provoke attacks from the barbarian and soak up the big damage he's outputing. But between the two of them, the barbarian hits the deck with a bloody thump, and seeing their captain felled suitably shakes the rest of his crew, who throw down their weapons.

The pirates are captured! If only that were the whole of the plan. Now we are to find the location of the secret pirate cove and destroy the rest of their operation. Yarr, it be a harsh life on the open sees, that it be, arr.